In a stunning display of dedication to the markets, over 200 traders were hospitalized after mistaking their Apple Watch heart rate alerts for stock price movements...
The app, called "Nope," literally displays a blank screen. In beta testing, users reported feeling "profoundly challenged" by the minimalist interface...
In an ironic twist that writes itself, UnitedHealth CEO Andrew Witty reportedly denied his own claim, stating that "being alive" constitutes a pre-existing condition...
The premium tier, which promises "exclusive access to angrier, more unhinged posts," has reportedly been hit with 42 class action lawsuits in its first week...
In a Chapter 11 filing submitted to the International Court of Justice, Planet Earth cited "gross negligence, willful destruction of assets, and emotional distress" as primary reasons for the split...
Local man Chad McHustle, 34, says he has finally found inner peace after liquidating his 401(k), selling his home, and going all-in on Dogecoin at the exact market top...